Sunday, December 12, 2010

Can I Get a Mommy Time-Out?

This morning, I woke up without my son smacking me on the forehead.  (Instead of coming into the bedroom and saying, "Good Morning, Mommy!", he chooses to smack some part of my head until I roll over.  I'm pretty sure I lost 5 good years of my life out of sheer terror the first time he woke me in this manner.  Nothing says "heart attack" like being smacked out of a deep sleep.)  Anyway, I got out of bed, put on the coffee, and got more accomplished before 9am than I did in the entire year of 2003.  Solitude is great motivator; though as hard to come by as a Girls Night Out for us cool moms.
I couldn't help but wonder:** Why are there so few moments in my day that I am alone?  I hear once your kid is in school full-time, there is a chance of solitude.  But for now, I have to wait until my kid is asleep.  And really?  Do I want to do laundry, update my Facebook status, and mop the floor after 9:00 at night?  No thanks, because I have a date with Pinot Grigio and Cougartown.  (Best. Show. Ever.  Shout-out to the cul-de-sac crew:  I heart you!)
Just the other day, a solution presented itself:  I asked my son to put on his shoes.  Then I asked him again.  After the third time, I heard my cell phone ring.  It turned out my FIVE YEAR OLD child had picked up his father's cell phone and texted me: NO.
I'd like to say I went all Supernanny on him, but honestly?  That lady has not met my child.  (Last time I put my kiddo in time-out, he could have cared less.  I believe he told his father, "Mommy wants me to stay here.  It's pretty comfy, so can you just bring my dinner over here?")  So instead of yelling, I simply walked into my bedroom and shut the door.  Cue the hallelujah chorus, because the Mommy Time-Out (MTO) was born.  Not only did my child instantly reform his behavior because he couldn't bear for me to be behind a closed door (see the Bathroom Fiesta blog), but I was alone long enough to read an entire chapter of a book.
Now, you must be careful how you utilize the MTO.  I mean, it IS a Time-Out.  You can't just sneak in there because you're having a bad day.  However, if you are having a bad day and just happen to burn a hole in the curtains while covering the windows in that winterizing plastic stuff?  (Seriously?  There should be more explicit warning labels on halogen light fixtures.)  Well, grab the latest copy of US Weekly and a cup of cofffee, because you deserve an MTO, chickie!
Now, it may become increasingly difficult to get yourself into enough trouble to deserve an MTO.  But the creativity is worth the reward, my friends!  What do I mean, exactly?  Well... I broke a raw egg on the kitchen floor so I could write this blog in peace.  So spill your morning coffee or set a small kitchen fire, grab your Kindle, and snuggle up to the ultimate rarity: peace and quiet. 

** Carrie Bradshaw, you will live on in my heart forever.

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