Wednesday, October 6, 2010

No More Bathroom Fiesta

The Bathroom.  It used to be a sacred place, didn't it?  It used to be a place that a woman could go and expect to be left alone.  Showering, makeup, even using the toilet... who knew that once a kid came along, these private moments would become a family fiesta?  This is my favorite thing to tell moms-to-be: enjoy the bathroom now, because you will never again poo alone.  (At least not until your kid is a teen and wants nothing to do with you, period.)
I have to repeatedly scream to my son, "PERSONAL SPACE!" every time I use the toilet.  And why is it that when the shower starts running, all of the sudden there's something I "just gotta see!"?  Perhaps I did some damage while he was an infant, as I tried to accomplish all bathroom tasks while he was strapped to me in a baby bjorn. 
Ladies, I'm taking the bathroom back.  How?  Glad you asked.

1)  Make a very large, very bright sign for the bathroom door.  Perhaps it says "Mommy Time."  A simple "NO" would also do the trick.  And for those little ones who can't read?  Why not just slap on one of those red circles with a slash through it?  Seems to keep people from smoking-- I'm sure it will work here.
2)  Go over the ground rules.  When the door closes and the sign goes up, there is to be NO bothering mommy.  None.  Not even if "the best episode of Spongebob EVER is on, can I watch it please please please?" 
3)  Carefully explain the concept of blood and fire to your child.  Use pictures if necessary.  Wikipedia is a wonderful thing.  Clearly state that these two circumstances are the ONLY time a knock on the door is permitted.*

And now, I am off to shower.  Alone.  Unless my son figures out how to light a match just to ask if he can have some juice.

*Rules may need to be explained to husbands as well.

1 comment:

  1. Unless my son figures out how to light a match just to ask if he can have some juice - favorite line!!